Feel like I am good enough for the needle pushers, the prostitutes, the addicts and the mentally ill and outcast but not good enough for normal society. Not normal, or good enough, not sure which yet, for “normal” people to invite to interact with them. Not good enough to be part of a “normal” community, even in the church. The only place I have felt truly accepted is from the needle pushers, the prostitutes, the addicts, the mentally ill and outcast. The only times in my life where I have been invited into a community and not felt alone is with the needle pushers, the prostitutes, the addicts, the mentally ill and outcast. They had to drag me out of rehab because I didn’t want to leave the genuine people I had met there; unable and too tired to hide anymore or blunt their pain. I cannot even imagine why I am going through this time in my life. I set out to find a Christian community when I moved to Charleston. That was my sole and only goal for a community here. I was going to be “in” community. I felt like this was something I could do to develop and strengthen my faith and show God how much I appreciated what He did for me. I was going to try and believe in the church, one of the scariest notions of my life. I was going to find my support, love, acceptance and validation from the Church community instead of the ones previously stated. I knew it would be hard. I knew there would be many failings on my part. I did not expect the things I have found in the Christian community, both good and bad. I did not expect how hard it would be to try and become a part of the community. It hurts me to think of other people that have found it hard to find a community among the church and scares me for those who have not yet gathered the courage to look for a Christian community. I cannot imagine what God is doing right now in my life but I know He means everything for good. I do not like the incredible depth of loneliness I have felt for the first time since accepting Christ or the complete insecurity inside His church but I will state that I know God has not moved his eye from me and still completely loves me even though it may not seem that way to the outside or on the inside. God loves me. God loves you. And though I find it hard to believe sometimes, I must: God loves His church.
Safe Lyrics
ReplyDeleteTo the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your ownbut you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free
I think a lot of "normal" people either don't have many problems or don't recognize that they need help, or are afraid to admit it and just want to show the world that they're "fine". I think it makes them afraid to open up and become part of a community. So the people who are willing to see that they have a problem, or need help or support or just want to be honest about their struggles are the ones who form a community. I haven't been to rehab or anything, but I can imagine when you're sharing your struggles with other people, and being there for eachother through that time, you form a bond that you probably won't get just chit-chatting after church over coffee or something. Not that you can't... but you know?
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